Risk-taking, Intuition, and Attachments: My Explant Story, Part 3
I’m continuing with the lessons that I have been learning over the past two weeks (and the past two years since my initial surgery) for those of you who are interested in this part of my journey. But mostly because writing and sharing all of this is the most powerful way for me to integrate these lessons I’ve discovered.
The body is not meant to be controlled; it is meant to be participated with.
This lesson is a message that came to me about three years ago in various ways, and when it did I said, “Cool! Yes! That is totally the truth and I am clear on that lesson.” I wasn’t. I thought I was, because that is when I began to explore the depths of what self-love and acceptance looked like. But I went on to continue trying to control my body through bodybuilding, strict diets, and eventually surgery. I want to be very clear right now to save you some grief: your body doesn’t like this. Your body wants to work with you, not against you. It truly wants to be your friend. And you are making it so difficult for it to do that.
Your body is here as a really valuable resource for you. It exists simply so that you can experience the brilliance of everything this sensory world has to offer. Your body allows you to see, feel, taste, hear, smell, and move through this astoundingly beautiful planet and all it asks in return is that you respect it. That you listen to its cues, nourish it well, move it daily, rest and rejuvenate it often, and honor the gifts that it is giving you. That’s all. Participate with your body and watch it transform from your nemesis to your best friend and ally in life.
If you’ve followed my journey at all, you know there have been multiple points where I’ve had to learn the lesson of slowing down. So far it hasn’t lost its luster. I keep reminding myself of the importance of slowing down physically to allow the healing process to occur. After all, that is exactly the type of thing I teach my clients. I still find myself itching to get back to handstands and yoga and all the movement I love so much, but it’s actually kind of nice to be forced to take a break. So when life gives you circumstances that require you to do things differently and be more mindful, take it as a welcome opportunity to breathe and rejuvenate. You never know what kind of magic might be brewing in the stillness.
And on an even bigger level, this journey has taught me to slow down with my expectations and attachments in life. I often find myself wanting the things that I want right now, and getting frustrated when they’re not showing up. But you’ve probably heard it said before…if you got everything you ever wanted all at once, what would be the point? The way life works is that all these wonderful things we desire come at different increments throughout our life, giving us a steady stream of things to constantly be grateful for. Of course I want to be fully healed and experiencing all of the amazing things that life post-surgery has to offer right now. And I will, in time. But if I didn’t have this down time in-between, then I wouldn’t gain the appreciation or the wisdom that comes with taking it slow.
Listen to your intuition.
It’s speaking to you all of the time. You just might not always be listening. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then think back to a time when you had a sensation in the pit of your stomach and you just knew that something was true (either good or bad). That’s your intuition talking to you. Before I got my breast implants two years ago, I started to feel a lot of fear and anxiety right before the surgery. I wondered if it was the right thing to do, and I started having fears about the outcome of the surgery as well. I ended up convincing myself that this was just my ego talking, and that all would be well because I had decided in my heart that I wanted to do this. If I had really taken the time to get quiet, and ask that fear what it was there to tell me, I might’ve learned that my body really didn’t want to have implants put in. My intuition was trying to tell me that, but I didn’t listen. I don’t regret my decision at all, because I am eternally grateful for these lessons it has taught me. So I’m not saying I made the right or wrong decision, all I am saying is I didn’t listen to my intuition. This is simply an invitation for you to begin (or continue) to listen to yours. I promise it has your best interests at heart.
This photo is a tribute to a time well before my implant surgery, when I was blissfully unencumbered by the desire to change my body in any way or the belief that it wasn't good enough the way it naturally was. It is also a tribute to the way that I feel now that I've removed them: free.
In everything we do and everything we choose, we have the opportunity to reflect on the outcome and consequences and to learn from them, or not. We can either take life as it comes and allow it to pass us by without much concern for our say in the matter. Or we can examine, and re-evaluate, and grow from our choices and continually learn to make new ones that put us in closer alignment to who we really are. This chapter of my life will most certainly not be the last where I second-guess a choice that I made and learn a really powerful lesson from it. If it were, I wouldn’t be taking enough risks. So here’s to living a long life of learning and risk-taking.